I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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