I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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