we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
