If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize