why do cheetos always look like penises
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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