Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
