Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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