My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
