I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
