she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm at about main and main street
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Randomize
