You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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