hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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