Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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