I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
