mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
