you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
