A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
