Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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