i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
