im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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