my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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