How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
