I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
