Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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