I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
