I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize