He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
