I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Randomize
