Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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