god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
