Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
