I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
