Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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