I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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