i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Randomize
