I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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