My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
