literally had 100 drinks last night.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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