dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
