I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
