Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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