Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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