My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I've blown a few things in my day
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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