can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
