I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
