You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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