did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
