i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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