It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
