I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
