Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize