apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
