I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize