if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
