My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
