It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm getting married
To pizza
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
