my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
