When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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