i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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