If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
