i already hear my dad disowning me
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
this beer tastes like vomit already
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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