You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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