You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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