So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
