At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
