oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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