Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
