I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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