Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
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