I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize